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Bacolod City, PhilippinesWednesday, July 27, 2011

My wife gets violent

Dear Tita,

There are many reports of battered wives but have you heard of a battered husband? You might find this funny but it’s true. I have been a battered husband for the last 10 years. My wife Nilda (not her real name), is hot-tempered and when she gets angry, she hits me and throws whatever she can get her hands on, at me.

I don’t believe in hitting a woman so I don’t get physical even if she does terrible things. I just try to reason with her and if she gets uncontrollable, I walk away. I don’t know why Nilda acts this way.

When we got married, she seemed to be a sweet and loving person which is why I married her. But after one year, her true colors gradually came out. She would shout unprintable words when she got angry and I was so shocked at this. I never thought she could be capable of using such foul language. It wasn’t long before she began throwing things at me when I did something to make her angry.

I am a soft-spoken guy and I am not confrontational which is why I avoid scenes with her. But she became even more violent and would hit me or scratch my face and arms.

I have become the laughing stock of our friends who know of Nilda’s vile temper. My buddies would tell me not to let her get away with it but what can I do? I can’t hit her back. Even my siblings have told me to leave her. I thought about it but what about our three kids? They are very close to me and I can’t imagine life without them.

It has come to a point where I get tense when Nilda is in a bad mood. I want to leave her presence right away before she gets violent.

Please advise me what to do.


Dear Battered Husband,

I find you unique among men. Filipino men who are macho, would never allow themselves to be “under the saya” (henpecked) if they can help it. You have suffered your wife’s vile temper for 10 years. Your self-control is truly amazing.

But there is a limit to everything. Your wife takes advantage because she knows you won’t do anything. Well, it’s about time you sit down and talk to her. Tell her if she does not control her temper then you will have to leave. I think she must have a personality disorder that needs medical attention. What she is doing is not normal. You have to make a stand. Otherwise, your life will be a living hell.


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