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Bacolod City, PhilippinesSaturday, June 18, 2011

I can’t wait forever

Dear Tita,

I am a 27-year-old single woman working for a big company. For the past two years, I have been seeing Joe (not his real name), a med rep who is separated from his wife and two kids in Cebu. I knew he was separated when I met him but we were so much attracted to each other that we were soon hopelessly in love.

My friends keep teasing me about getting married. I asked Joe about this and he keeps saying that we will get married as soon as their marriage is annulled. I believe him because I trust him but still, he hasn’t made any move towards an annulment. He tells me it is very expensive and he has to save money for it. I’m trying to be understanding about this whole situation but after two years, nothing is happening. I asked him how much he has saved for his annulment, but he becomes evasive. Whenever he goes to Cebu, he says he just wants to see his kids although I know he sleeps in their house there.

I am so insecure about this relationship. Do you think it would be a good idea to offer Joe financial assistance with my savings so he could petition for an annulment? I worry that he might not be able to save enough as he spends a lot of money on his evenings out with his barkada and his expensive outfits. He keeps buying the latest gadgets like cellphones, cameras, laptops, etc. I’m beginning to feel that I might not be in his list of priorities, especially since we have been having regular sex when he is here.


Dear Insecure Girlfriend,

I think you’re right. Your boyfriend Joe seems to be evading the issue of annulment. If he really is serious about marrying you, he would do anything to get an annulment in order to marry you. But instead, he spends his money needlessly instead of saving for an annulment. Please don’t offer your lifetime savings for his annulment. That is not your obligation. It is his and his alone. You better weigh things very carefully about this relationship. If you think he is giving you the runaround, “it’s time to cut and cut cleanly”, as Paul Laxalt once said.


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