I made the wrong choice

Dear Tita,

I had two guys courting me when I was in my early 20s. One was Dan, an accountant with a good job. The other was Nico, who was an artist whose ambition was to be in the entertainment world. I was attracted to Dan because he seemed solid and reliable. On the other hand, I was fascinated by Nico who made me laugh and was so unpredictable.

He was such a dreamer and I found myself also falling for him. My mother preferred Dan as she was sure he could give me a good future. At first I told her I wasn’t too sure and I wanted to find out which of the two I would marry. But she was adamant about my marrying Dan that finally, I gave in. I agreed to marry Dan. Nico cried when I told him but he understood.

After our wedding, we lived with Dan’s parents as their house was big enough to accommodate two families. That was a wrong move. Soon I found that living with my in-laws was very difficult as I had to make sure I did not displease them. Dan’s mother was just like him, always correct and proper. I liked to do things spontaneously but Dan wouldn’t agree. It wasn’t long before I realized I was trapped in a loveless marriage. Dan expected me to do what he wanted all the time. If I failed, he would say things that really hurt my feelings. I found out I didn’t really love him.

We moved to our own place after three years and I thought things would change.

How wrong I was. Things got worse. Dan got into the habit of always putting me down. He made me feel that I wasn’t good enough for him. Now I deeply regret marrying him.

Recently I ran into Nico and we had a great time chatting about the past. I realized I hadn’t laughed as much in a very long time. I can’t seem to get Nico out of my mind even when I’m with Dan. I deeply regret making the wrong choice in marriage. What should I do?

PUZZLED

Dear Puzzled,

Marriage does not come with a money back guarantee. You have made a commitment and you should stick to it. As much as possible, avoid seeing or talking with Nico. You might get tempted and complicate your situation. Maybe he is attractive to you because he brings excitement in your life. But don’t think that is enough for a successful marriage. I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk with Dan and bring out what you find wrong in this marriage. Hopefully, this can help open the doors for better communication between the two of you. Believe me, a lot of married couples had huge problems in the beginning. But they worked on their marriage and now they have succeeded.

I hope you and Dan will find the answers.

TITA