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Bacolod City, PhilippinesWednesday, April 10, 2013

My husband has changed
since my accident

Dear Tita,

During my school days, I was popular as a campus queen, and was always chosen as “Miss Something” because of my mestiza features. A lot of guys were courting me but the one I chose was Abel, the handsomest and tallest of them all. We got married two years after our graduation and we were blessed with two kids, a girl and a boy.

Abel was so proud when his friends would tell him how lucky he was to marry a beauty like me. He showered me with beautiful clothes and accessories and even took me to the beauty parlor every week. At parties, he enjoyed watching the people's admiring eyes looking at me.

All this changed after I met an accident in the bus that disfigured my face and left me with a permanent limp. I cried for weeks when I realized that the damage was permanent. I became depressed and hardly faced the visitors who came to see me. After a while, our friends stopped coming. I stayed in the house most of the time and would go out only at night.

I could see Abel's unhappiness when he looked at me and he began drinking a lot. He didn't kiss me, or make love to me anymore. This only added to my depression. I began to nag him and would not stop until he lost his temper and stormed out of the house. Our children are suffering because of the tension in our house. I am so insecure because I suspect Abel might have found another woman to make him happy. I told him if he wants another woman in his life, he should leave us and go with her. This makes him angry and he walks out on me even if I'm still talking to him. What should I do?



Dear So Depressed,

My heart goes out to you. I know how you must be suffering.

But what happened was an accident. It was nobody's fault, and you shouldn't take out your anger and frustrations on Abel. You are driving him away with your nagging. Try to be pleasant with your family even if you are not in the mood.

I have seen people with disfigurement, who managed to remain pleasant and nice to be with, despite their misfortune. Have a heart-to-heart talk with Abel and tell him how you feel. Make him understand that it is your disfigurement that has made you act this way.

Hopefully, it is not too late and he will understand and be more compassionate.


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