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Bacolod City, PhilippinesWednesday, February 20, 2013

Do I go with my BF or stay with my kids?

Dear Tita,

I am a widow with two teenage sons, who are both studying in a private school here in Bacolod. The older boy is a college freshman and the younger one in fourth year high school. They are good boys and are doing well in school.

My problem is about my relationship with Ponsing, who is eight years younger than I. We have been on for two years and he makes me less lonely than I was before I met him. He used to work in Manila but moved here to be with me. He gets along fine with my sons. Recently, his old boss got in touch with him and offered him a higher position with their company in Manila. He asked me to go with him. I told him I couldn’t leave my two boys behind. He said they can come, too, but they don’t want to leave their school and their friends.

I am torn between going with Ponsing and leaving my boys here with my widowed mother, who is in her mid-80s, or staying here with my sons and letting Ponsing go.

I know he will not like it and might find someone else who can make him happy. He might decide to break up with me. I love him so much and I know I will be very sad without him in my life. If I insist on uprooting my kids to go to Manila, it might affect their studies. But if I leave them, how can my ailing mother take care of them?

Ponsing isn’t insisting that I go, but his attitude is, “take it or leave it”. Please advise me on what to do.


Dear Confused,

Your responsibility as a mother far outweighs your responsibility to your boyfriend Ponsing. You are lucky to have two wonderful sons, who are doing well in their studies.

If you force the issue and transfer them to Manila with you and Ponsing, it might have dire consequences on their studies. Have a heart-to-heart talk with Ponsing and tell him that, as a mother, you cannot leave your sons to go with him to Manila.

Hopefully, he will understand and remain faithful to you even if he is far away. With email and skype, you can keep in touch constantly. But if his love for you won’t stand the separation, then so be it.

At least, you found love in your life for a short time. That is better than nothing, isn’t it?



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