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Bacolod City, PhilippinesSaturday, June 15, 2013

Why couples drift apart

Dear Tita,

A couple in our circle of friends recently decided to separate after 13 years of marriage. When I asked our other friends what happened, the husbands said much the same thing: “When a couple is first married, the husband was the most important person in the wife's life. With each child, his place was shifted farther and farther back until he feels totally forgotten.”

These husbands told me that "neglect" made them vulnerable to someone who did show them some attention. When I asked the wives what happened, they said they didn't know -- but guessed that they "just drifted apart and their interests changed."

None of them knew how their husbands felt. Some wives, who had secret affairs, say that their affair was the result of not feeling important at home.

Tita, why do married couples take their partners for granted? Does romance really have to fade after a few years of marriage?


Dear Just Asking,

During courtship and the first years of marriage, that's when love is a burning fire and couples cannot seem to have enough of each other.

The man is so attentive to his partner and the woman feels cherished and loved. She, in return, gives him all the care and attention he craves. However, as the years go by, and if they are not careful, the burning fire gradually fades and life together becomes routine.

When children arrive, it's a given that life becomes busy and complicated. The husband becomes so engrossed with work and his friends, while the wife neglects to make herself attractive for her husband. They begin to take each other for granted. This is when couples must make finding time for each other a priority.

Both spouses need to remember that, one day "the kids" will fly from the nest, and for a marriage to survive, it must have the necessary nutrients -- love, attention and respect, to name a few. A man should still remember to court his wife and a woman has to shower her man with love and attention to keep the embers burning.



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