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Bacolod City, PhilippinesWednesday, May 29, 2013

His family is
my biggest problem

Dear Tita,

My husband, "Joe," and I have been married for 12 years. We have four kids, three girls and one boy. I should be very happy with our comfortable life, but for his family. They have managed to borrow and/or asked for money from us all these years and haven’t paid back the loans that have reached a huge amount.

What really makes me mad is that, despite our giving in to their demands for money, they are so ungrateful and are even spreading vicious rumors about me. At one point, the tension and hostility were unbearable, and Joe and I separated. After four months, we realized that we were meant to be together, so we reconciled. His parents and sisters were against our reconciliation, but they couldn’t do anything about it.

Recently, we moved to our new house and have been very happy here with our kids. We hold parties with our friends and some members of my family. Joe’s family gets so angry when they hear about our parties as I don’t invite them. His sister went to see Joe and talked to him about it. Apparently, he felt guilty and asked me to forget what they did to me. He said I should start getting along with his family.

For Joe’s sake, I was about to relent but I again learned that they are still badmouthing me to their friends and relatives. It made me so angry that I refused to reconcile with them. I told Joe about it and he insists I should let bygones be bygones.

What do you think?


Dear Still Angry,

Joe doesn't want to have the rift between you and his family to continue. He wants peace in this turbulent situation.

Why don’t you have a family powwow where you can express your honest feelings? Let it all out and then listen to their side. For all you know, there might be someone, who is “fanning the fire” to make you at odds with them. Having a face-to-face confrontation might be the answer to the problem. It could clear the air.

This family feud should end by now. I’m sure everyone will be happier if the family ties are strong and as close as ever.



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