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Bacolod City, PhilippinesWednesday, October 2, 2013

They don’t want
me to remarry

Dear Tita,

I am a 49-year-old widow with three grown children, aged 25, 23 and 21. My 25-year-old son is married and is living in Manila. My daughter and my youngest son are living with me although they already have good jobs – she is a bank teller and my youngest is a call center agent. They have good-paying jobs but they like staying with me.

Last year, I met Celso, a 60-year-old widower whose two kids are living in the States. I was immediately attracted to him because he is so gentlemanly and so galante. He courted me the old-fashioned way with flowers and chocolates with little love notes hidden inside. I felt young and beautiful again. We enjoy being together, going to the movies and our favorite restaurants for dinner.

Celso wanted to meet my kids so I arranged a dinner at home with him as our guest. He was so nice to them but they were a bit cold and distant towards him. I could see how uncomfortable Celso felt, so I apologized after the dinner. He was very understanding and said it was alright. He tried to make friends with them a lot of times but they remained aloof. They told me that they don’t want me to marry again, as it would be disrespectful to their father to have another man take his place.

I have tried explaining to them that it wouldn’t be disrespecting of their father if I marry Celso but they refuse to listen. When I go out with Celso, they act like I’m doing something wrong which I’m not. I'm torn between being a caring mother and doing what is best for my kids. Please advise me how to handle this without ruining my relationship with my two children. There is no problem with my eldest son, who tells me to go ahead and marry Celso if it makes me happy.

LONELY WIDOW

Dear Lonely Widow,

Your two kids are now adults with good-paying jobs. Soon, they will find their own partners in life and will leave you to have their own families. You will be all alone. Your kids are lucky because you have raised them to have a good education and now they are earning enough to be on their own.

It is about time that they think of how you feel and not cut you off from finding your own happiness. They are both capable of taking care of themselves. Don’t let them make you feel guilty about finding a new love. You deserve some happiness, so please put your life on hold no longer.

TITA

 

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